¿límites? ¿Que es eso?

Dónde está tu límite? ¿has llegado a el alguna vez? ¿Sabes lo que es el no poder más? ¿El querer abandonar, y decir "se acabó, me rindo? Todos hemos llegado a ese punto, por x o por y, pero hemos estado en esa situación. Cuando solo querías meterte bajo las sábanas, poner la música al máximo nivel y romper a llorar, dejar que las lágrimas salgan solas, dejarlas ir. Pero hemos encontrado la manera de salir de ese hoyo que parecía no tener fin. Porque estamos hechos para sobrevivir, solo los más fuertes sobreviven, y nosotros somos fuertes, luchamos contra natura, desafiamos las leyes de la gravedad. ¡Las putas leyes de la gravedad! Incluso engañamos a la muerte.
¿No os da eso que pensar? No estamos hechos para abandonar, sino no habríamos llegado a donde estamos ahora, siendo la raza superior por encima de todas las especies habidas y por haber en este planeta, e incluso, para algunas personas, del universo.

Por eso, cada vez que no veas la salida de ese hoyo, piensa, si estoy en esta situación, es porque he sobrevivido, y si he sido lo suficientemente fuerte para llegar hasta aquí, puedo salir de aquí. Pon tu mejor sonrisa, mírate al espejo, pon cara de ajo si hace falta, hasta que una sonrisa de verdad ilumine tu rostro, y sal, sal a comerte el mundo una vez más

¿Cuántas veces has caído? ¿Cuántas veces has pensado que no podrías levantarte?
En esta vida, siempre hay que seguir adelante. Da igual las veces que caigas, siempre hay que volver a levantarse, y seguir, seguir con tu camino, por muy duro que sea.
Si el camino es fácil, vas por el camino equivocado.
Lucha, lucha por tus sueños, sigue adelante, haz caso a ese pececito que una vez te dijo "Sigue nadando..."

You can't run away

La muerte nos persigue a todos.
Es algo que no podemos evitar. Podemos huir, no pensar en ella, evadirnos de la realidad. Pero a todos nos llega nuestra hora.
La hora de despedirnos, de decir los últimos te quiero, lo siento, perdóname. Es hora de decir lo que nunca nos atrevimos a decir.

Nadie sabe cuando llegará su hora, nadie sabe cual será su último beso, su ultimo adiós. No sabemos cuantas primeras veces nunca llegaremos a hacer.
Ni si quiera sabemos donde pasará, en una habitación de hospital, en medio de la calle o durante el mejor momento de tu vida.

Here comes the nightmares

Here comes the nightmares
Your biggest fears

will stand up
They will go for you
They will scare you, make you scream,
cry and paralize

You will have to run
Run up to your last breath
Find a way out
You'll have to hide

All your love ones will die,
they'll suffer. You'll see them
die
Tortures are coming, tortures
are coming for you

You will have to run
Run until your last breath
Find a way out
You'll have to hide

Nothing is left, you're nothing
You are alone in a nightmare world
You saw them dying and
you didn't make a shit for them

You made this.
Here come the nightmares
Your biggest fears will stand up
They will go for you

Culpable

Sigo oyendo a la gente hablar en esta sala abarrotada de gente. Pero hace tiempo que ya no escucho. Siempre es la misma canción.

- Señorita Amanda Martinez. ¿Tiene algo que declarar?
Vuelvo a oír esa pregunta, la han repetido durante meses, cada día que se reunían.
- No

La sala se vuelve a llenar de un murmuro molesto, de miradas y gente apuntando con el dedo.

 -¿Cómo se declara entonces?
- Culpable.
Mi voz no tiembla, es firme y segura.
Se lo que hice, se que tuve la culpa de que mi mejor amigo muriera. Por eso he tirado la toalla en esta lucha.

Come back

I don't want the guy who I fell in love to be back.
I don't want our love to return.
I just want our friendship to be back, I want you to trust me again, and treat me as a little sister, I want you to be my bestfriend again.
I want to fight again, and laugh and smile.
I just need that back.

Under the cold rain of december

I'm walking in the dark. There is nothing in my pockets. I lost the count of time.
I don't know where I am, I don't know who I am, I don't know where I belong and where am I going to.
There was a time, when I used to smile, to think everything was perfect. I was happy.
What happened then? I lost him, my first true love. The love was over, he used to say. The tears went down my face, I was so frustrated. I thought it was my fault, even if he said it wasn't, he just finded another girl. Prettier, funnier and nicer.
Little to little I started to lose everything else. I lost what I was most scared of losing; the people I love.
I lost them, my friends thought I changed, that I wasn't the same happy girl I used to be.
I started to get apart of my family, I thought they will never understand me.


There I was, alone, walking in the dark, under the cold rain of december.

Darte cuenta de que has crecido cuando puedes dormir la noche de reyes.
Los años pasan, y tu creces. Cada día un poco mas.
Pasas de jugar con muñecas a ir de fiesta. De beber batidos de chocolate, a tomar copas cargadas de vodka. De enfadarte con tus padres por fumar, a pillar cada semana 10 euros de marihuana.
 La ilusión de los niños esta cambiando. Las nuevas generaciones ya no son las de antes, ahora necesitan lo mejor, lo último, el top trending.
Necesitan creerse poderosos, cuando nosotros solo encestábamos ser felices.
Jugar con nuestros tazos, cambiar cromos, y correr por ver quien era el portero de cada equipo de fútbol.

Another day, going outside, waiting for the bus.
Is not even 7 am and you are ready to go back to your bed, under the blankets, and forget everythig.

Forget how many times I said an empty "I love you", when I didn't feel it, cause there is nothing else...

I said you "I will wait you forever, this year doesnt mean that we are not together anymore. It means that our love is going to be stronger, that Im going to love you over everything, over the rainbow"
but now i don't feel any of that, and you know why? Because none of us care, not anymore.

I don't need to talk with you like i used to do, everyday, every morning, every night before going to sleep.
Because there have been too much lies, too much broken promises, to many moments where I will say you, "fuck off, this is over"

Cause when you where with your friends, having fun, getting high. I was here, worring about you, thinking that the worse can happend, but i trust you, I told you thousands of times.

One mistake, and everything is over. I made one mistake, and your trust on me is over.
I don't to go anywhere, i don't want to go to parties, just because i don't want to listen again "Be careful, we know what happend last time"
And I just want to scream you, "fuck off! You are the one that cheat me, and here I am, saying I trust you more than anythig"
I didn't cheat, you, im the one that has been cheated. And here I am.

And now i don't need you, there is someone doing what you where doing a couple of months ago. Taking care of me, treating me how I deserve, and being fucking happy.

I'm sorry, but it's over, this time it was your fault.

It's time to shine babe

Horas frente a un papel en blanco, los dias pasan y tu sigues intentado escribir algo.



Estas asustada, tienes miedo a fallar, a no ser capaz de conseguirlo; ser feliz.


Disfrutar de tu año, por que este es tu año, y es el año en el que te vas a comer el mundo.


Triunfaste en un sitio, ahora vas a por otro, mucho mas grande. Por que te lo mereces, te mereces lo mejor.

That moment when everything changed

Tras un año de cambios. Volver a casa no fue fácil. Estaba que no me podía estar quieta, por el simple echo de saber que le iba a ver. A esa persona que me hizo tan feliz, pero que también me hizo llorar.
Al verle el corazón se me paró. Pero sabía que lo que una vez fue una historia de amor, con posible final feliz. Ahora iba a ser una espiral de sentimientos, nuevos y antiguos. Se iban a juntar, a mezclar y a crear una mezcla un tanto explosiva. Esa mezcla explotó y todos se vieron afectados.
Todos se recuperaron de esa explosión, aunque yo me quedé con secuelas.
Y ahora llegas tu, después de haber superado las secuelas de la explosión, y me rompes los esquemas.  

I just want to quit.
To say, "it´s enough" and go back to the place I used to call home.

I got something and I let it go.
I when I got it bak, I lost it again.
When I thought I had it back, and freaking bad idea made me lose it again.

My clothes smells like him, my hair keeps being messy because of him and my heart keeps racing when I remember his lips on my neck.

Maybe writting this shit is the only thing that keeps me alive.
To not go mad or nuts.
To remember who I am, and where am I going.

To realice the mistakes I do again and over again.

I don't have anything left, I lost the first person I loved, I lost the first true friends I had.
They all replace me, they replace me with new people, and now the new one it's me.

No more stories to tell, no more cool stuff happening, only fake smiles like I care about what they are saying, while in the inside I feel like thousands of needles hurting my heart.

Las manillas del reloj siguen pasando. Y yo sigo aquí plantada frente del ordenador intentando escribir lo que parece claro en mi cabeza. 

Momentos de estupidez me hicieron perder a la persona a la que he querido como no he querido nunca.

 Le extraño, le necesito. Extraño saber que a las 9:30 voy a darle los buenos días, a desearle un buen día, que se ría de mi y yo finja estar enfadada porque me trata muy mal. Extraño que me llame marmotilla por dedicar gran parte de mi tiempo a dormir. Extraño esperar que el botoncito de su foto en skype se cambie a verde e intentar arreglar mi pelo rojo en los pocos segundos que tengo hasta que responda a la llamada. Extraño que me de los bueno días con un "buenos días preciosa" 

Extraño oír un te quiero.

dias de madrugada

Ni si quiera ha abierto los ojos, y ya sabe donde esta.

Nota un brazo rodeando su cintura, y sabe que no hay ropa bajo las sabanas.

Aparta su brazo, y sale de la cama. Recupera su ropa, se mira en el espejo, y ve lo que ve cada noche que sale de fiesta.

Una joven desaliñada, con oscuras ojeras y un largo día por delante.

Desde hace tiempo que su vida es así.

Salir de fiesta todas las noches, y acabar en la cama de alguien.

Por que vive así? Porque la rompieron el corazón. 

El hombre del que estaba enamorada, fueron meses de felicidad, de sonreír.

Pero luego todo se torció, ya no había cariño, ni si quiera palabras dulces. Todo eran broncas, malos ratos y arreglarlo bajo las sabanas.

Pero eso se acabo, ella ya no era la misma. Su única manera de disfrutar es salir de fiesta, sentarse en la barra con su mejor vestido, esperar a que la inviten a una copa, bailar, tomarse otra copa y hacer como que no sabe que están poniendo algo en su copa.

Meterse alguna que otra ralla en el baño, y despertase en la cama de otro hombre, vestirse y seguir.

Where Dreams Begin

I am sitting on a high branch of my favorite place on earth.
Its getting dark, but I am still able to see a lot from this place.
You can hear the sound of the crickets somewhere in the dark, the birds singing to the end of the day, the flow of the water going downhill, horns of stressed drivers wishing to get home soon and far away voices of kids beging to stay longer playing with their friends.
It is the middle of February; the trees are still missing their leaves. The rabbits are getting ready to wake up. The sunbeams try to make the last hours of the afternoon warmer.
You can feel the humidity of this place, the clouds getting ready to pour. Spring is definitely coming, brought in on the winds of days of rain. Days of staying home, wishing to return to this place, to my tree.

When times are at their worst, I take my bike, put my headphones on, put my favorites playlist, "No More Tears" and "Keep Calm and Carry On" on the highest volume, and disconnect from the world. I ride, through the forest, ride, ride and ride. When my breath is too fast to continue, i sit down, hold my breath and wait for the pain to stop. Strange, how that is, when the tears start going down my face, I can breath normally again. I turn the volume even louder, A Day to Remember screaming in my ears; making me forget about everything, nothing is in my mind, I just listen to the lyrics, following the rhythm with my head, hands and feet, no more until I stop crying with no choice but to listen. When the tears are gone, I stop my music, take my headphones off, and listen to what is left- listen to the crickets.
That's how I found the tree. I climbed it the very first time I saw it, climbing higher until the branches started to crack. I stayed. I sat right where I was, and viewed the landscape, while "Cuando el sol se va" played. I was there, until the perfect sunset, a sunset that gave me hope, and strength to continue fighting no matter what life throws my way.
When it's completely dark and cold, I return home. The only thing that is on my mind, is that sunset, I am feeling stronger, happier and with more desire than ever to keep fighting. And for the first time in a long time; I smiled.

fuck everything

And when they told you that everything was going to be okay, you fucking believe them .
Because you need it, because you were going to quit, for first time in your life, you were going to say i cant, and just quit, leave everything you fight for.
But you hold to that hope, with tears in your eyes, just because everybody said it was going to be ok.

But is not, no instead of being a team, this is a competition, to be the favorite, but you know what? You are not playing.

Stop thinking, start living

Have you ever feel like you are just doing everything wrong?
That people is expecting the best from you?
Trying to do everything perfect, and just messing everything up?

You cannot imagine how many people feel like that every single day. Thinking that they just try to do what ever they can to do everything right, and they are just fucking everything up.

I have feel like that for a long time, feeling that i can be a better daughter, a better sister, a better friend, a better girlfriend.
But you know what? That is the past, and i live the present. Because I cannot change my past, but yes my future.
I decide who im going to be in a few years, how im going to be, and how im going to fight for what i want.

Stop thinking too much about everything, and enjoy your life and the people who is around you, because they love you to death, and they are going to care about you.

Stop thinking and start living.

Never give too much, if you know that it's not going to come back

What happened with this?

Where are the good mornings my princes? Where are the butterflies every time that you talk to me?

Where are all of our dreams together?

Since a while ago, I just noticed that you don't love me anymore, you don’t want to spent time with me, you just want to do other things and not with me.

Just doing whatever you want, being selfish again, playing with me.

But I'm not going to life that, not again.

I have life with that for a long time, living in a lie, knowing that you cheat me, and, is not having cheated me what hurts, what hurts is you not telling the truth.

I will probably forgive you, because what i feel for you is bigger than that. 

And you know why I didn't say anything? Because I was scared of losing you, because I gave too much for you, I lost my friends and my family. I stopped doing what I want and like, just because I wanted to see you happy.

And during all that time, I was happy; I was the happiest person on world.

But now that’s over, there is nothing left.

Just two estrangers saying I love you.

Run! Run! Run!

I run thought the forest, i know he is behind me, he is too close, screaming my name.
"Amanda!" "Amanda, come back! I promise you that I´m going to change!"

I don´t trust him, not anymore. I have been four months in this dirty room, he hitting me, screaming at me, suffering, hungry, almost dead. I´m not coming back, I´m going to run until i throw up my heart.

I fall down a few times, but I get up and continue running, my freedom is a few yards away, just a few yards away.

I´m so tired, so exhausted of fighting, I feel pain in every part of my body.

I don´t have forces to continue.
I know that he is going to find me, he is faster and stronger, and I´m almost dead.

And then I fall down, I fall down a hill, I roll over, over rocks and branches, I feel more pain, but I don´t care.

I know this is going to be the last time that i breath. I wait him, lying next to the mouth of the river, just waiting, waiting to my dead, and remembering the moments in which I was happy with him.

I remember our first kiss, a stolen kiss in front of my house that winterr night, I remember the first time that we hold hands together, and when I met his family. I was so happy; I was the happiest person in the world.

I continue remembering beautiful moments with him, and that makes me relax and forget about what is coming up.

"Amanda" I hear his voice, he is so close, he is almost next to me. I just wait for the pain coming back.

But when I open my eyes again, I see my mom next to me, in my room.
I´m sweating and crying, and then I realize that it was just another ba nightmare.

Never forget how much i love you

Recuerdos almacenados en el fondo de un cajón. Todo te trae recuerdos. Puedes vaciar ese cajón, puedes quemar todos sus recuerdos, pero él siempre va a estar ahí, en el fondo de tu corazón, por que el primer amor nunca se olvida.

Vayas donde vayas, hagas lo que hagas, todo te recuerda a él.
Los paseos por la playa al atardecer, los helados bajo un árbol durante una noche de verano, los besos robados frente a tu casa.

Y cuando piensas que esta todo superado, lo ves. Esa gran pintada que hicisteis una fría noche de invierno.
Una rosa blanca, sin espinas, enroscada en una clave de sol. Tu pureza con su amor a la música.

Nunca antes habías aprendido tanto con una persona, te enseñó a disfrutar los pequeños detalles, a que la vida no se trata de esperar a que pase la tormenta, sino a bailar bajo ella. Aprendiste a sonreir aunque solo quieras llorar, por que pase lo que pase, cada vez que caigas, tienes que levantarte y seguir, seguir con tu camino. Por son tus decisiones y no el azar las que determinan tu futuro.

Entras en esa tienda en la que el pasó horas comprando flores para ti, y compras una docena de rosas blancas y una rosa roja, y sigues tu camino.

Cuando llegas a tu destino, una pequeña lágrima recorre tu mejilla, pero sonries.
- Te prometí que seguiría adelante.
Dejas el ramo de rosas junto a esa placa en la que pone su nombre y la fecha en la que se fué.
- Nunca olvides todo lo que te quiero- secas la lágrima que recorre tu mejilla, das media vuelta, y vuelves a tu soledad.