Stop thinking, start living

Have you ever feel like you are just doing everything wrong?
That people is expecting the best from you?
Trying to do everything perfect, and just messing everything up?

You cannot imagine how many people feel like that every single day. Thinking that they just try to do what ever they can to do everything right, and they are just fucking everything up.

I have feel like that for a long time, feeling that i can be a better daughter, a better sister, a better friend, a better girlfriend.
But you know what? That is the past, and i live the present. Because I cannot change my past, but yes my future.
I decide who im going to be in a few years, how im going to be, and how im going to fight for what i want.

Stop thinking too much about everything, and enjoy your life and the people who is around you, because they love you to death, and they are going to care about you.

Stop thinking and start living.

Never give too much, if you know that it's not going to come back

What happened with this?

Where are the good mornings my princes? Where are the butterflies every time that you talk to me?

Where are all of our dreams together?

Since a while ago, I just noticed that you don't love me anymore, you don’t want to spent time with me, you just want to do other things and not with me.

Just doing whatever you want, being selfish again, playing with me.

But I'm not going to life that, not again.

I have life with that for a long time, living in a lie, knowing that you cheat me, and, is not having cheated me what hurts, what hurts is you not telling the truth.

I will probably forgive you, because what i feel for you is bigger than that. 

And you know why I didn't say anything? Because I was scared of losing you, because I gave too much for you, I lost my friends and my family. I stopped doing what I want and like, just because I wanted to see you happy.

And during all that time, I was happy; I was the happiest person on world.

But now that’s over, there is nothing left.

Just two estrangers saying I love you.

Run! Run! Run!

I run thought the forest, i know he is behind me, he is too close, screaming my name.
"Amanda!" "Amanda, come back! I promise you that I´m going to change!"

I don´t trust him, not anymore. I have been four months in this dirty room, he hitting me, screaming at me, suffering, hungry, almost dead. I´m not coming back, I´m going to run until i throw up my heart.

I fall down a few times, but I get up and continue running, my freedom is a few yards away, just a few yards away.

I´m so tired, so exhausted of fighting, I feel pain in every part of my body.

I don´t have forces to continue.
I know that he is going to find me, he is faster and stronger, and I´m almost dead.

And then I fall down, I fall down a hill, I roll over, over rocks and branches, I feel more pain, but I don´t care.

I know this is going to be the last time that i breath. I wait him, lying next to the mouth of the river, just waiting, waiting to my dead, and remembering the moments in which I was happy with him.

I remember our first kiss, a stolen kiss in front of my house that winterr night, I remember the first time that we hold hands together, and when I met his family. I was so happy; I was the happiest person in the world.

I continue remembering beautiful moments with him, and that makes me relax and forget about what is coming up.

"Amanda" I hear his voice, he is so close, he is almost next to me. I just wait for the pain coming back.

But when I open my eyes again, I see my mom next to me, in my room.
I´m sweating and crying, and then I realize that it was just another ba nightmare.

Never forget how much i love you

Recuerdos almacenados en el fondo de un cajón. Todo te trae recuerdos. Puedes vaciar ese cajón, puedes quemar todos sus recuerdos, pero él siempre va a estar ahí, en el fondo de tu corazón, por que el primer amor nunca se olvida.

Vayas donde vayas, hagas lo que hagas, todo te recuerda a él.
Los paseos por la playa al atardecer, los helados bajo un árbol durante una noche de verano, los besos robados frente a tu casa.

Y cuando piensas que esta todo superado, lo ves. Esa gran pintada que hicisteis una fría noche de invierno.
Una rosa blanca, sin espinas, enroscada en una clave de sol. Tu pureza con su amor a la música.

Nunca antes habías aprendido tanto con una persona, te enseñó a disfrutar los pequeños detalles, a que la vida no se trata de esperar a que pase la tormenta, sino a bailar bajo ella. Aprendiste a sonreir aunque solo quieras llorar, por que pase lo que pase, cada vez que caigas, tienes que levantarte y seguir, seguir con tu camino. Por son tus decisiones y no el azar las que determinan tu futuro.

Entras en esa tienda en la que el pasó horas comprando flores para ti, y compras una docena de rosas blancas y una rosa roja, y sigues tu camino.

Cuando llegas a tu destino, una pequeña lágrima recorre tu mejilla, pero sonries.
- Te prometí que seguiría adelante.
Dejas el ramo de rosas junto a esa placa en la que pone su nombre y la fecha en la que se fué.
- Nunca olvides todo lo que te quiero- secas la lágrima que recorre tu mejilla, das media vuelta, y vuelves a tu soledad.